It Happened Again

Oh wow, work again today...

This veteran was in. Conversation went like this:

Me: Hi, what can I do for you today?

Veteran: You could join the army for four years.

Me: Uh, don't know about that. How about something to drink?

--- Orders drink. While I'm making it:

Veteran: So, you didn't answer my question. Why not the army?

Me: Well, it's just not really for me.

Veteran: Oh come on.

Me: Really, just wouldn't work.

Veteran: You're not one of those don't ask don't tell queers, are you?

Me: It's just really not for me.

Veteran: Can't see yourself crawling in trenches, buddies getting shot... etc, etc, etc

Me: No, I really can't.

Veteran: Well, when they're over here at your back door, what will you do then?

Me: Then I might consider signing up.

Veteran: Yeah, you might want to consider it. And with the way things are going over there, it's not too far off. Man, they'd better not mess with me. I got lots of trick up my sleeves.

Me: Well, now I know not to also.

--- Thankfully, another customer arrives / conversation ends

My god. Political/war discussions aside... wow.

It was one of those times where you think of the prefect thing to say once it's too late. "Doesn't asking kind of defeat the purpose of 'Don't ask, don't tell' ?"

At least time time I didn't deny it or put the idea down. I just avoided it.

Baby steps people.

Baby steps.

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Btw, thanks for the comments on that last one. It was, strangely, the right combination of support and "tough love" that I needed. The reaction is something I need to change in myself. It's just a slow process. (Like I said, baby steps.) Also, I need to get out of this town. It's just a bit too conservative. Actually a lot too conservative.

"She said you're gay"

So over winter break I'm working at Starbucks. It's a lot like being in high school, really. Lots of annoying gossip and drama. I though I graduated from all that 2 years ago, but no such luck.

So today I was out handing out samples. I know, fun right?

When I get back to the counter, one of my coworkers (we'll call him DrugBoy.. he got caught dealing 3 months ago and I think he's on something half the time at work) said to me, "she said you're gay." I look at the other worker and she has the "you weren't supposed to share that conversation, I'm going to act like I don't know what you're talking about" look on her face.

My reply? "Oh, well.. that's not very nice" or something equally lame.

What an awkward conversation.

This followed DrugBoy CONSTANTLY calling everything gay. "Those are the gayest thing I've ever seen," etc.

But this wasn't the typical "haha, you're gay." It felt more like the girl saying to him, "I think Ben is gay." Like, something she actually though about.. not quite off the cuff.

God, I'm tired of this.

If I was out, would I have replied differently? Would I have just said "yeah, and?" I like to think I would, but I'm afraid I'd still be scared to.

Pfft, whatever. Only 2 weeks left at this immature place.

Sorry for the pointless vent.

Design

I love design. I love typography. I love aesthetics.

In an effort to expand this blog from entirely being about the closet, I've decided to randomly share with you some of the things that come across my screen that I find inspiring.

First, one of my old favorites: Pulp Fiction in Typography.


Another type-based video: Opening Credits from the Typophile Film Fest 4.



And lastly, who doesn't hate having to listen to flight attendants talk about airline safety; or worse, watch some video that looks like it was shot in '82?

Virgin America does it differently:

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P.S.
Yes, I love web design. No I have not created a design for this blog. Yes, I will do so eventually. When I have time. Maybe.

P.P.S.
Also, I swear some sort of catch up is coming. But really, it's not that exciting. Sorry.

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Even those who may not be in American, have an amazing day.

Wow, How the Time Flies

Remember in my first post, I talked about coming out to someone before I left for summer break? Well, it didn't happen then. Then I went all summer without coming out to anyone. At the end of summer, I came out to a girl from high school that had herself just come out. But that wasn't really the same. I never talk to her, and it felt kind of anonymous. Then, this entire term passed without me telling anyone.

Finally, I'm in the same position I was in when I started: just two days before break and I still haven't told anyone here.

Well, tonight I did it!

I emailed a good girl friend of mine, asking to chat about something that I needed advice on.

Tonight she came over and we went back to her dorm. She asked me what's up at first, but saw the frightened look on my face and so we talked about other things for awhile.

Finally, she kind of asked again.

I had trouble coming up with the words, so she took the conversation like this:

Her: Is it about a girl? Are you interested in a girl?
Me: No. I mean. Well. No, it's not that.
Her: Are you interested in a guy?
Me: Well...
Her: Is there a guy?
Me: Well, not really a guy. More just guys in general
Her: Really? That's so exciting!

So, then we talked about it for awhile. We also looked up some information from the gender and sexuality center website.

Basically, we had a really long, really good conversation.

We talked about coming out to my family, to friends from home, at school. She was also starting to try and set me up with some friends of hers. I told her I wasn't ready for that (not because I don't want it, because that involves being more out on campus than I'm ready for), but to keep them in mind for next term.

It's amazing the relief you feel...

Ok, so I'm pretty much ready to be out on campus. Open the flood gates. (Next term's project?)

Oi. Time to go to bed so I can get up early and study study study for 2 finals!

G'night

-Ben

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P.S.
Apparently awhile back, her and my roommate were talking when I came up. They were talking about my not having a relationship. Apparently my roommate said, "do you think he could be gay?" To which she replied, "I don't know," then they simply moved on. So, he suspects and apparently it's not a big deal. I mean, I knew it wouldn't be a big deal. But it's still nice to have him pass through the question so easily.

Yes, I am alive

Thanks, Nathan, for the poke.

I swear, I'm not done blogging.

I basically just couldn't balance it with schoolwork this term.

BUT! The term is over on Tuesday, so expect a post following that! (I have to drive home, move back in, then have two Thanksgivings so it might be another week... sry)

But I swear I'll have a great big catch up post (or posts) and try to get in a writing routine that I can actually keep up.

Sorry for disappearing, see you all in a few days (i.e. after finals!)

-Ben

Also, I pop on AIM every now and then. If you want to chat, my screenname is over to the right (midwestbenblog).

Update:
I finally got my feedreader unread-post-count down to 0! Yay!

I Fail

I'm sorry I've gotten so behind again.

I leave for school in a week and have been working 16 hour days trying to finish up the project I've been working on for work before I leave. It's been a long few weeks.

But I promise that as soon as I get it finished up I'll be back with tons of updates. Some good stuff, so get ready.

BTW, I'm not just behind on posting but also reading:



Sorry! I swear I'll catch up ASAP!